Dog from H E double hockey sticks

So whenever we go out of town we have a dogsitter stay at the house because we have the dog from hell.  He is like the dog on Marley and me, he eats toys, eats socks and for some reason likes to dig my underwear out of the dirty clothes hamper and do god knows what with it.  I just know its no fun chasing the dog around the house who has your granny panties in his mouth and I'm screaming to everyone don't open the door.  Goodness knows the last thing we need is for the dog to run outside with my big ass underwear I'm sure the neighbors would love that.  They are probably already suspicious of the loud noises coming from the house trying to figure out if I'm beating the dog, my kid or my husband (I have never beat my kid so don't go calling DCFS on me otherwise they would find out that I also let my kids play with matches, eat play dough and drink redbull) Ok, back to the subject.  Our dogsitter stays at our house while we are gone and because our dog isn't fixed and she is a 20ish year old blond bombshell he greets her by humping her leg each time.  Lets face it he would hump anyones leg old or young.  The dog is usually up in my grill and by grill I mean crotch, he is  crotch sniffer so I have to warn everyone coming into the door that oh he doesnt bite he just sniffs.  While we are gone she leaves me a note that says Jazz (our dog) was so good and behaved well.  Who the hell did she dogsit for cause I have lived with that dog for over a year and the last thing he reminds me of is a well behaved dog.  I'm thinking she either drank the entire time we were gone, possibly even shared the alcohol with the dog, is a dog lover no matter how much he humps her leg and eats her underwear or that she is just thankful that we returned and wanted to be pleasant cause we paid her.  Either way I'm forever grateful that she likes to stay here and take care of my hellion of a dog.  Now where did that dog go with my Hanes her way.

Dont let this cute face fool ya.....